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When I came of age in the 1990s, officials seemed to believe that wage disparity between genders could be tackled by informing young women that no goal was out of reach. Bold, bright pink advertisements convinced me that institutional and cultural obstacles would fall in the face of my self-assurance.

Experts have since refuted the idea that an individual can fix their lives through optimistic thoughts. Will Storr, in his book Selfie, analyzes how the free-market ideology of equal opportunities underpins much of personal development trends.

Yet, there is a part of me continues to think that if I work hard and glue together a firm goal map, I should be able to achieve my wildest dreams: the only thing standing between me and my destiny is me. How do I find a harmonious middle ground, a balance between trusting in my unlimited potential but not blaming myself for each setback?

The Key Resides in Self-Effacement

The solution, per an early Christian thinker, a North African Catholic bishop, involves modesty. He wrote that self-abasement was the foundation of all other virtues, and that for someone seeking God “the initial step is humility; the second, humility; the final, lowliness”.

Being an ex-Catholic such as myself, the concept of meekness may trigger various unpleasant feelings. I was raised at a time in religious history when caring about your looks equated to narcissism; physical attraction was deemed improper beyond reproduction; and even pondering solo sex could lead to punishment.

I don’t think that this was Saint Augustine’s intention, but over a long period, I conflated “humility” with guilt.

Constructive Meekness Does Not Involve Self-Hatred

Embracing modesty, based on mental health expert Ravi Chandra, isn’t equivalent to self-loathing. Someone who is healthily humble takes pride in their skills and successes while admitting that knowledge is infinite. The psychiatrist outlines multiple forms of modesty: respect for diversity; meekness across ages; modesty in knowledge; humility of knowledge; humility of skill; meekness in insight; reverence for the sublime; and meekness during hardship.

Mental health investigations has likewise discovered numerous advantages arising from modesty in intellect, encompassing increased toughness, acceptance and bonding.

Modesty at Work

During my career providing emotional care in aged care, I presently consider meekness as the act of attending to others. Meekness serves as a centering practice: revisiting, step by step, to the ground I stand on and the human being before me.

There are some residents who share with me identical stories from their lives, over and over again, during each visit. In place of monitoring time, I attempt to hear. I aim to remain inquisitive. What insights can I gain from this person and the stories that have stayed with them amidst so much loss?

Creative Quietude

I attempt to embrace the spiritual mindset that theological scholar Huston Smith termed “inventive calm”. Thinkers from Taoism advise people to quiet the ego and reside in sync with the flow of creation.

This might be especially relevant as humans seek to repair the damage our species has done upon Earth. As written in her work Fathoms: The World in the Whale, author Rebecca Giggs explains that embracing modesty helps us re-connect with “the animal inside, the entity that fears toward the unseen". Taking a position of humility, of not-knowing, helps us recall our species is a part of an expansive system.

The Elegance of Modesty

There exists an emptiness and hopelessness that comes with thinking everything is possible: success – be it becoming wealthy, reducing size, or securing an election – turns into the sole valid outcome. Humility enables elegance and failure. I practice modesty, grounded in reality, implying I have everything I need to grow.